Friday, May 14, 2010

First Night All Alone!

(the day we came home!)
I cant believe it hasnt even been a full week that Lilli has been home!!! What a long week it has been... phone calls; appointments;phone calls; visitors;organizing; visitors...  everything is so trial and error right now- getting the oxygen and monitor and feeding tube supplies where I need them and how I need them.
She also has bad reflux ( because of the CDH) so the positions in which I feed her in are all trial and error as well, she seems to get sick when I sit her in the little vibrating bouncer chair, and if I hang her milk too high she gets sick, but if I hang it too low it takes so long to go in that its just not realisitic.. Meaning, if I hang it at a low heighth (the milk flows by gravity) then it could take over an hour to fill her belly up, and its only 2 1/2 oz, that just doesnt seem realistic... practice and patience. Thats all I can say!

We go back to the pedi. on monday, she has to have her thyroid levels checked, I pray with alllll my heart that nothing has changed and that they are good, and she is supposed to get her 2month vaccines... I NEED INPUT HERE! Before I got pregnant, and when I was pregnant I was very weary of vaccinations- Now, Im not ignorant on the subject, I have read and read and researched. During my pregnancy I decided I would pick and choose which vaccines I got for her, and when- maybe not getting them all at the same time, or cutting the doses in half... AND NOW THE TIME HAS COME! I DO want to get the vaccines, but she has been through so much recently and hasnt even gotten a chance for her immune system to build up... I am breast feeding, which will help tremendously, but I'd just hate to get the vaccines and raise her chance for infection... I dont know- I need to pull out my books again before monday and make a decision!

She and I were supposed to go to a child support meeting Thursday, but, since her father cancelled it, we are waiting on papers to reschedule. WOW. Some system we've got! I wonder how many times this will be rescheduled... (well actually none after this one). Time for a lawyer, I dont have time to play games anymore, Im doing my best as it is, dont need one more thing nagging at my mind! I havent questioned throughout any of our journey "why", because I knew why, I knew that I could handle it, and that there was a reason and I was getting such a huge reward out of the struggle- but THIS subject, I really question WHY. Why do I have to go through this crap? I would NEVER treat anyone the way I'm being treated (or not treated)! I really wonder how someone could be so cold hearted and NOT want to be a part of this angels life. And to make us go through more crap...!? SERIOUSLY?!  By the way, he's 30 years old.. should I start looking towards 50 year olds or what!?
Im finished venting now I guess- so any advice on the vaccines, let me know.. or advice on anything at that!!
Lauren n Lilli


Jane said...

GET THE VACCINES! Seriously, I'm a medical student and when I have kids they will all be getting vaccinated exactly on schedule! The benefits FAR outweigh the very minimal risks. :)

Kami said...

Hey Lauren. We do a modified schedule. Which for us means only one vaccine with aluminum at a time. Essentially we did shots at 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months. I think he was caught up with everything by 6 months and then whenever the next round was we split them again. I think MOST physicians and even the AAP would be quite happy with a split schedule like that, but they can't endorse it because so many parents wouldn't take the time to keep going back to the peds office. It worked for us b/c it was not an issue for us to be committed to the schedule. We used a lot of Dr. Sears ideas from his Vaccine Book.

We did skip varicella (not an issue for you yet) b/c I am just not that afraid of it. The vaccine is still relatively new and we don't know the longevity of it. If my babe gets chickenpox the risks are minimal and if he doesn't get it by age 8 or so then we will get the shot.

As far as Hep B I am in general opposed to it for babies - really the risk is so minimal - hopefully they are not engaging in risky behaviors. BUT since Lilli may need more surgeries and therefore blood transfusions I would get that one.

Good luck and know the decisions you make are right for you guys! Trust your mommy instincts!

Karrie said...

I agree that you should get the vaccines, but on a modified schedule. She needs as much help fighting infection as she can but I wouldn't overwhelm her system with all at the same time. Love you and Lilli!